5/01/2005 02:47:00 AM
The Nice Guy Syndrome
Im sure most of you have heard of the 'Nice Guy' syndrome. This is a social disease that affects relations between the male and female species of the human population.
Symptoms are as follows:
1) You are a gentleman
2) You do not see all women as sex objects
3) You treat all women with the utmost respect all the time
4) You assume women mean exactly what they say all the time
5) You tend to play the role of 'knight in shining armor' when there is a damsel seemingly in distress
6) You are 'understanding' all the time
7) You only have eyes for her
8) You think all if not most men are dogs and are lucky to have a relationship with a good woman
9) You think most if not all women are angels and can do no wrong
10) You shower your girlfriend with attention all the time
11) For advice on women you go to other women
12) Your female friends refer to you as 'such a good friend' or 'you are like a brother', even the ones you have shown romantic interest. This is a surefire symptom of the Nice Guy syndrome and is the beginning of the end.
13) You are more in touch with your feminine side than with your masculine side
14) You cater to her needs and ignore your own
If you have half or more of the symptoms listed above, you may be suffering from the Nice Guy Syndrome. Sticky pon you.
Many factors make you more likely to contract this deadly social disease:
- You have more female friends than male friends, or hang around with females more. Hence you are constantly around to hear discussions belitting the male species and may start to believe some of it. You hear the laments about what they want and dont want in a good man and assume that that is what they really want. Hence you begin to alter your personality in a way
that fits such criteria as outlined by said females.
- Lack of a strong father presence in the home. While single mothers have done a fantastic job raising children on their own, some tend to raise their male children in a fashion that they think men should be, instilling certain values. For a listing of these values please refer to symptoms 1 through 7 as outlined above.
- The media (television, film, music, novels) tells us every day that men should give everything of themselves for the woman they love, that you as the man should bring the sun the moon and the stars and place it at her feet. And hope that she likes it and gives you the time of day. Or, that husbands who are overweight, bumbling, idiotic and clumsy, and wives who are young, attractive, and smart, is a normal stereotypical matrimonial home. Examples of this can be seen every day on cable television with programmes such as Home Improvement, Everybody loves Raymond, King of Hearts, and even animated programmes such as The Simpsons.
- When your female friends say things like "Oh youre so sweet" "that was so nice of you" in response to certain actions, and you keep doing said actions, even if it is to your detriment.
Stage 1 - The 'Fuck off' stage
Every man has certain desires. However any man with the Nice Guy Syndrome has a little voice in their head that tells them to ignore those desires and be a 'nice guy'. Whenever a female with a low cut top bends down in front of you to pick up something that little voice says "Be respectful, look away". Whenever a girl is chatting away the little voice says "she's expressing her feelings about something, pay attention and listen" even though youd rather be watching your favourite tv show. Whenever there is a shortage of chairs and there are women around the little voice says "give up your seat, you stand". That little voice that says "pick up the tab", "give her flowers, candy, presents, even though she never does and probably will never return such gestures", "do not ogle at women, even if they are scantily clad and have perfect bodies and are
practically begging for attention" etc etc. You know the drill. Whenever you find yourself in a situation with another female, and you hear that voice telling you to do something contrary to what your instincts tell you--------tell that voice to 'Fuck off'. Until this stage has been completed, future stages will be unsuccessful.
Stage 2 - Realization stage
Realize that women are no more deserving of special treatment than men are. Realize that women are just as bad as men, theyre just better at hiding it and hence give the illusion that they are angels.
Stage 3 - Get in touch with your masculine side
Men do not want a woman who is 6 feet tall, with a muscular build, deep voice, aggressive etc etc. Similarly women do not want a man who is soft, sensitive, expresses his feelings, loves pink, has little hearts drawn all over his notebooks etc etc. Be a man, dammit. Scratch, sometimes. Drink beer and watch sports with the guys, sometimes. Ogle and make comments, sometimes. If you never look at other women, your current woman will think you will never look at her that way. And do you think God gave women breasts and hips and curves that cause them to be shopping around frustrating themselves cause they cant find that pair of jeans that fit them 'just right' or cant wear that gorgeous top cause it dont fit them just right, for you NOT to look at them?? Be aggressive, sometimes. Women like to know that you can get buck wild and handle you business when some fassy comes along trying to get all up in y'all's bizness. Women will never know if youre capable of such if youre constantly holding their hand and giving them flowers and presents and calling them cute little names like "honeybun" and
Stage 4 - Player mentality
Players always have women because they are confident in themselves and their abilities and are not afraid of being rejected by a woman. They tend to cater to their own needs and not the woman's needs. They tend to have big egos. This combination tends to be attractive to most women (I dont know why, thats how it is apparently). Observe players, how they move, their
tactics, then adopt some of them and adjust as to your own personality. Note: do not become a player. Simply emulate some of their tactics.
I dont know if there are any other stages, right now im somewhere between stage 3 and 4. If there are anymore i'll let you
Earlier I had listed some symptoms of Nice Guy Syndrome as values that single mothers may instill in their sons. This does not mean that a man not suffering from the disease must not have said values, however the values should be as follows:
1) You are a gentleman...only to women who have EARNED and as such are deserving of such treatment. Family members have automatically earned such treatment, the eldery (not just eldery women) automatically deserve such treatment. Every other female in the world has to earn it.
2)You do not see all women as sex objects.....all the time. As mentioned before, on occasions your woman will want you to 'ogle' at her, but she wont think you do that if you dont do it with other women some of the time. And no female is stupid enough to think that you would find her and only her attractive.
3) You treat all women with the utmost respect all the time.......see #1
4) You assume women mean exactly what they say all the time....women have a known history of saying one thing and doing another. Realize this. Accept this. Remember women are ruled by their emotions, men by logics. There are occasions when certain emotions in certain situations are illogical.
5) You tend to play the role of 'knight in shining armor' when there is a damsel seemingly in distress...this has to do with placing women on a pedestal as outined by the media that men should. Once you have gone thru Stage 2 you will realize that some woman deserve what dem get and dont deserve a knight.
6) You are 'understanding' all the time....your needs are just as important. Sometimes she is the one that needs to be understanding
7) You only have eyes for her......see #2
If you think that after doing all this you will be seen by some females as arrogant, pompous, egotisical, etc....dont worry too much. Nobody's perfect, and you being an ass will make women feel better about expressing their bitchy side. Yes, I said it. All women are bitches, sometimes. And if you deny them that right by being a nice guy all the time, therefore making them feel guilty whenever theyre bitchy to you (cause hey, if youre a nice guy you didnt do anything to deserve being bitched, right?) they wont like being around you too much after a while.
I really should have some closing arguments after this long thing I jus write but me tired so cant bother, im going to bed.
Looking forward to the comments....
The Seeker did sey...
WOW!!!! Extremewly incitefull, Honestly you should right a book. This something all 'nice guys' out there should read, TURST ME! I, sad to say, have to admit I suffer from this syndrome, and I have noticed in the past couple of months that whenever I decide to behave out of character I get much more positive result, hmmmmm. Strange world. But Love your explanation, I think I'm gonna send this around to every one in an e-mail, this ranks as one of those things that every one will want to read and will be Quoting a time to come. Cant say it enough though D, Tuff!!!!!, HYPE!!!!! *****
laroper83 did sey...
Preliminary comment: You have serious issues with women and how you are around them. I will not say what your saying is wrong or right... I guess it's up to each individual to know what is best for them and how far they are willing to go/not go.
Rae did sey...
hmm, i found this very interesting and amusing. I think you're definitely right to some degree. we claim to want the nice guys but I have seen some of the 'nice guy' friends I have fall to the way side where women are concerned. Some of that is due to picking though, because it's not that no one was interested in these guys, just that their interest was elsewhere. so it go somtimes...
bassChocolate did sey...
Good stuff. One of the things that stuck out to me was the point that 'nice guys' like to go out of their way for women, but the reverse is not expected or required. I agree that we need to grow some balls and get put on the pedestal, SOMETIMES.
Bashmentbasses did sey...
Boy.... I have so many comments to make I don't think they can hold here. I may have to just do a response blog for this.
Firstly. The man is right. There is very little that one can question of what he said. What was left out, which Rae mentioned, was the fact that good guys don't often make wise choices when it comes to women. And nice tactics don't work on a large percentage of women. The problem is that they don't glow so that we can identify them from afar. It's experience that shows them up and by that time it's too late for us nice guys.
They should put out a manual for us so that we can avoid the women who front like they want nice guys but really want a bad guy. I shouldn't be bitter since it's been a while since I was caught in that situation but I still recall years wasted in heartache unnecessarily.
D did sey...
Adricey I totally agree with that, we guys should SOMETIMES be the one on the pedestal:-)
Good to see youre no longer bitter bashmentbass, I cant wait to pass that stage.
B did sey...
D, I feel it for you. I personally am a fan of nice guys except when it is taken to the extreme and they lose their balls. You guys need to stand up for yourselves without losing sight of important values.
Bashmentbasses did sey...
You gotta put yourself up on that pedestal so that they find you there and maintain that altitude. When they find you on the pedestal they have to reach for you. When they find you on ground level, they step on you.
I'm bitter because I see perfectly good men have to pretend they are hard when they shouldn't have to. Because no one taught us to avoid the frauds and we have to endure crap after crap before we learn. Bitter because we have to treat them like less than a queen in order for them to appreciate us. Because their folks didn't treat them right and so they are screwed up for us to find and try fix and fail.
Bitter because at the end of the day if we go bad we are just fulfilling the stereo-type. Because over time we become bitter and jaded and run the risk of treating the one we finally settle down with with skepticism. Waiting to see what will go wrong.
I've friends (nice guys) married and so jaded they just waiting to see if things will work out even though they have nice women now. I managed to recover from that same predicament but too many don't.
My GAWD--yout...my side STILL hurting me!!
It's painfully truthful though...
And the mucked up thing is, ladies don't want the 'nice guys' ... they always go for the assholes. How mucked up is life? :S
bassChocolate did sey...
I don't think women generally prefer asses... I think what it is that the non-nice-guys assert themselves more where as nice guys tend to be accommodators. A friend of mine once told me 'all women have a hidden desire to be treated like s**t.' I don't think that's politically correct, but I actually understand his point. Women like men that show some toughness, while still catering to their needs. Sometimes ironic.
laroper18 did sey...
I can speak for myself: I would want someone who has SOME of what you describe as a "Nice guy". Reason: the ones not really classified as a "nice guy" are the ones that often want more than one like me (for those who know me and know how "unique" I am) is willing to give. The "nice guy" is more appealling because the seeming alternative is that much worse...
I think you have a point when u say that sometimes guys need to get more "appreciation" from the girls. Society for a LONG time had us thinking that the man is supposed to buy the roses, and dinner, etc and the girl just relishes and enjoys it. I, for one, don't agree. I believe that just as much as I would want to be pampered, i should be willing to do the same.
re ogling: I don't think a guy should walk his girl and look at another woman with ogling eyes. Admit that yeah, there are beautiful women out there, but dont make it appear lustful. Unfortunately, a lot of life is all about perception, and perception can make or break relationships (among other things). I don't think the guy would be 100% ok if the tables were turned!
That is my piece for now.
Bella did sey...
Seen. Yes my yute... I agree. I personally want a nice guy who isnt afraid to show his asshole side, as long as we can agree that his asshole and my bitch dont come out at the same time. I think the big thing is just being able to understand EACH OTHER and communicate.
By the way D, long time no speak...
Jubi Lee did sey...
I agree with Le. I've been in search for the perfect mix of naughty and nice for a long time, and have encountered some of the extremes... to my detriment.
I think what we want is a nice guy with balls. Nice enough to respect us and treat us well, and enough balls to stand up for himself and when it's necessary.
I was spoiled, I got involved with the asshole first... got treated like shit and blamed myself, craved his love and attention and accepted the abuse as substitute... Then we met a nice guy and as some form of defense mechanism - tho it probably wasn't necessary - put up a big barb-wired fence around my heart, guarded by dobermen... *sigh*
Nice guys annoy me. Assholes upset me. Striving to find the perfect mix.
"To thine own self be true"... Yeah yeah, I agree wid most of what's been said. But my point is this. There is no easy fix for the situation. If you're a good yute tryin to be tugz so u can stand a chance, 2 things can happen. One, you're likely to fail, becuz being a gentleman is so deeply entrenched in ur behaviour. Two, you will attract the wrong type of girls anyway, who either believe that their lives are too dull to be compounded by someone who is also seemingly boring, or that a man who doesnt cheat, curse, check anything wid a vagina and go to every session is some type a bait. You're better off waiting it out. Yeah, u might miss out on getting some rather attractive females, or lose valuable time searching for a good one, but little do many of us know that we are so incredibly incompatible with many of the girls we want so bad, that even if we captured their interest, it could not sustain a decent relationship. So unless ur in it for the thrill of trial and error, going from girl to girl, or like the idea of casual sex, take ur time, and wait for a girl who can rate you for who u really are, not who she wants you to be.
Oh, and one more thing. If u do happen to be successful in morphing urself into an 'asshole'... u might want to consider that it will get easier with time. And one day, u jus might look back and wonder what the hell u've done with the integrity u used to have. More importantly, that one day might be the day u find the girl u want to make ur wife... the one who really deserves to be put on that pedestal... and u know what, u might miss that chance becuz u dont even remember how to be that type of man. Food for thought.