Through ironically colourful colourblind eyes....

"Busy schedules, work demands, and survival instincts distract men from inner needs. But eventually, his motions slow to a pace where his emotional, personal and relational needs surface." - TD Jakes, He-Motions.

How true it is.

The last 2 1/2 years have been one long busy stressful ride. It started right around the time where I was put on call at work in May 2003 I think it was. Panoridim was just starting concert preparations around that time as well. After concert in August I started an MBA in October, but after some mix up had to stop in mid-November and pick it back up January 2004. So school and full time work went until mid-April 2005. The following month saw starting preparations for Panoridim concert, which was another stressful time all over again. Mid-August saw the concert performance, and mid-September saw the resumption of school, which ended for me February 2006.

Whew!

All that activity with no time to breathe. Though I have accomplished much and learned many lessons during this period, there is much that I have missed. I am a person where anything I do that is important to me, I try to focus all my mental energies to the task at hand. Slight OCD if you want to call it that. Work is important, school is important, pan is important, and anybody special I may have had in my life during that period was important. This resulted in what psychologists term "emotional burnout". At the same time other aspects in my life did not get the deserved attention. I dont multitask well. Now that school is done and I have free time to think and reflect, to 'go back to normal',b 2 1/2 years of experiences have been catching up with me. And how! Missed opportunities, mis-construed situations, lessons unrealized...basically it feels like I have been living in a thick fog, and that fog has just lifted, leaving me seeing my surroundings with a clarity like never before. Unfortunately, most of these realizations leave me with feelings of regret and remorse. Doors that were once open to me are now shut, due to mistakes on my part that I didnt realize until now. Right now im wondering how many of those doors might be re-opened, but im not getting my hopes up...

Anyway, right now my life is just slavery - I mean work, and pan. I intend to keep it that way for a while, and try not to let either take over my life significantly. Wishful thinking, I know, but Im still going to try. Cause jah know, I need the break.

Its winter...time to rest, relax, refresh.