Through ironically colourful colourblind eyes....

1/16/2006 12:41:00 PM


Ive never been much of a fussy person, very rarely I really want many things.

But boy, this year is an exception:

Digital SLR (Canon Rebel XT)
Printer that prints Digital photos & printer paper (obviously)
New car
New computer (long overdue)
A pan (either tenor or seconds)

All very costly!!!

1/16/2006 12:37:00 PM

Love: want or need?

Is love a "want" or a "need" of something/someone? Should you love someone because you "need" them or because you "want" them? There is a difference.

If you "need" someone then there is something they bring to your life that is important to your well being, so you will always want them around. Ok, nothing wrong with that. But isnt it possible that that scenario can lead to one becoming somewhat dependent on the other? Or one person becoming 'needy'? Needy is never a good thing. So, in essence, you love them because you have to, not necessarily because you want to.

Ok, so lets say love should be a "want". You love someone because you choose to, not because you have to. Great, sounds ideal right? Just one snag that bothers me...

The love between us and God. Do we love God because we want to love him? Or because we need him? If we didnt "need" God in our lives, for strength, for peace of mind, for whatever it is you turn to God for....would you still love God and want him in your life as much as you do now? And if thats the case, shouldnt we be modelling our love for people from our love of God?

And another thing...if you dont "need" someone in your life, but "want" them in your life, does that then follow that you would not fight as hard to make the relationship work? Cause after all relationships take work, and in the end you can do without them since you dont necessarily "need" them....

Questions questions........but as im writing, some answers are coming...

*Bear with me, im writing as the thoughts are coming*

Say you had nothing. You include God in your life because you need the support, you remained faithful and steadfast in your time you achieve everything you ever wanted. You are totally comfortable, no longer in as great a need as before. Chances are God will still be in your life, but not necessarily because you "need", but because you "want".

How about the love between a child and a mother? In the beginning a child "needs" its mother, but as the child gets older and gains independence the child wont "need" the mother in their life as much anymore, but it will be more of a "want".

So could that be it then? It starts as one and ends with another? Or is it a delicate balance of the two? A mixture of "need" and "want"?

1/05/2006 12:11:00 PM

Personality 'disorders'

Two definitions I found that I like:

Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Because of the inflexibility and pervasiveness of these patterns, they can cause serious problems and impairment of functioning for the persons who are afflicted with these disorders.

A deeply ingrained, non-psychotic, inflexible, maladaptive pattern of relating, perceiving and behaving, serious enough to cause distress or impaired functioning.

Depression. Bi-polar. ADD/ADHD. Autism. OCD. The list goes on. Personality 'disorders' have had my interest for a while now. Why? The doctors say, according to the definitions posted above, that people with personality 'disorders' have something 'wrong' with them, and they need medication to make them more 'normal'. I know a few people with so-called disorders..I know one who's bi-polar, with ADHD and a depressive. And these are probably the most interesting people I know. Many times I forget that they have something 'wrong' with them.

In a nutshell, an individual with bi-polar disorder alternates from manic states to depressive states at the drop of a hat. In the manic state they are seemingly perfect at everything they do, always happy, lots of drive and motivation, great memory. In the depressive state they simply do not care about anything or anyone, and have zero energy levels. They can go from one state to the next at literally the drop of a hat. My bi-polar friend, as far as im concerned, is some kind of genius. She cruised through school without even trying, is a graphics artist, computer techie, writer/poet, and musician (writing and playing), very unique outlook on life and has the kind of personality where people are naturally drawn to her. Im convinced she wouldnt be like this if it wasnt for the 'disorder' she struggles with every day. My depressive friend is similar. Very creative person, bubbling personality, brilliant as hell. They both have very intense personalities, which means they have much more focus on whatever they do than 'normal' people. This is probably why they are so good at whatever it is they do. Their medication makes them more 'normal', yes, but in addition every aspect of their personality is turned down...theyre not as creative, they learn stuff at a slight slower pace, etc etc.

ADHD people cannot focus on one thing for long. They usually do poorly in school because they find it so difficult to focus on whats being taught. On the flip side, however, dump an excessive amount of activities/responsibilities on them and they tend to handle the excessive workload better than most 'normal' people.

OCD people are just weird. Dont think I need to explain this one, just watch the TV show 'Monk'. But their abnormal tendency to focus on small details make them great investigators, lawyers and even managers.

Autistics do very poorly socially, but tend to be very creative individuals in terms of the arts. They swing between ADD and OCD tendencies. Those on the high end of the spectrum tend to be very very good at math, they can be considered human calculators.

Codependency is a condition where people make themselves a necessity for another person in need of help to survive i.e. they are the ones that take care of drug addicts, alcoholics etc. They willingly extend an helping hand when no one else wants to, because they judge their self worth on how much they are needed by other needy individuals. As great as this sounds, it usually gets out of hand when they make sure their 'patients' stay sick, so they are always needed. Just the same, you can see why such a 'disorder' can actually be a good thing.

Honestly, I dont think there are anything 'wrong' with these people, they are simply different. Unfortunately, society does not provide a place for 'different'. They are taught in schools the same way as 'normal' people, which technically doesnt make sense as their thought patterns are different, which means they would need to be taught differently. We just need to appreciate them for who they are, and find ways for them to make contructive use of the 'talents' that come with the 'disorder'. Thankfully these 'disorders' are being given more attention through movies like 'Rain Man' and 'Cube' and TV shows like 'Monk'.

I also think we all have a bit of these 'personality disorder' traits, albeit in smaller doses. Im pretty sure I have a touch of ADD...I basically taught myself Com Sci in UWI, I learnt maybe 5% of what I know in class. Could never pay attention for more than 5 minutes. I also know I dont always learn things the same way everyone else does. There's more, maybe i'll tell you another time.

Do you have any 'personality disorder' traits?